No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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