Can i not drive my cunt home
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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