we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
