you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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