..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
