Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
