The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
