I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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