I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They are going to name an STD after you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
