How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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