the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
