Jerry, you need to find god
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
