At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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