3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
