I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize