I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When are your genitals available?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
