yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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