shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize