after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
