Can i not drive my cunt home
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
