your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
