oh god the rape fog is back!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
