He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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