got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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