i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
