woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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