dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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