So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
