hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
