chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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