I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
