i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
