Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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