Need sex. Gaining weight.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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