Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
