Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
