My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
