those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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