dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
