I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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