sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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