Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
