That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
