Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
