her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
