Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
