It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
