Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
