Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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