I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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