yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
