hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
