I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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