Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
