Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
