Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
