i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
