i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
