Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize