I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
