we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
