I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
