I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
