Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
