You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
