I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
