Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize