I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
