I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
