I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
