pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
barbara walters just said penis...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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