You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
