Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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